For Those Who take life too seriously

. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
. A day without sunshine is like, night.
. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
. drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
. intend to live forever - so far so good.
. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.